That thing you’re thinking about doing. That big goal. That little change.
… What if nobody noticed it?
… What if nobody even cared?
This frame of thought, these questions, have been coming back to my mind over and over again.
What if nobody noticed? Nobody cared? What if it wasn’t a big deal?
When I think about everything I’ve been wanting to do, both the massive life-goals and the small micro-changes, it becomes incredibly freeing to think that maybe nobody will notice. Nobody will care. It won’t actually be a big deal.
The other day I decided to paint my nails black. Maybe not such a big deal to start, but maybe not necessarily “normal” either. But my mind was flipping its shit;
What if someone pointed it out? What if someone laughed or mocked me for it? What would I say if someone asked about it?
Nobody but my sister verbally acknowledged it for at least 3 days. Even when I went out in public, nobody commented on it or gave me apparent “looks of disgust” for it.
Did some people notice it and not say anything? Maybe. But maybe they didn’t care enough about it to make a comment. Maybe they didn’t feel like it was a big deal. Maybe they also had their own moments of discomfort to mention it.
But I think it’s more exciting to think that…
Maybe they didn’t notice, and if they did, maybe they just didn’t give a shit. “And? So what?”
Now, this isn’t just about black nails, but rather about all of those things that you keep thinking about doing, whether they’re lofty or little things.
You see, I have this “problem” where I think too much about what people are thinking about what I’m doing, but the truth of the matter is that 99% of the time, they’re in their own head and not even thinking about me. I’m spending my time being OUTSIDE OF MY OWN HEAD and not enough time INSIDE it. I spend more time caring about the perception of others (which might not even be HAPPENING let alone TRUE or ACCURATE). And I spend far too little time consulting my own heart, what I feel is right and true and accurate.
And as I continue to think about all of these things I want to do in my life as though nobody noticed, as though nobody cared, as though it’s not actually as big of a deal as I or my mind wants it to be…
Suddenly the solution becomes simple.
“Oh. Then I guess I just do it, so what?”
Those things I keep thinking over and over about… If I just didn’t give a shit about what anyone thought and spent more time caring about what I thought about doing them, I would probably just… do them. I’d do my own thing and stay in my own world and not give a damn about what you are thinking.
I would have zero need to spend time and energy figuring out how I’m going to explain what I’m doing, why I choose to do this or that. I could spend all that time and energy on just doing the thing, whatever it is.
And most of the time, at least for me, this stems from living outside of the present moment. Worrying too much about a future that isn’t here yet, that might not even happen. Worrying about what happened in the past, which I cannot change. And completely ignoring the fact that I’m sitting here, right now, writing this post out, or writing out that list of things I would do “if nobody noticed, nobody cared, and it wasn’t a big deal.” Ignoring the MOST IMPORTANT moment of all: the now, the only moment that I can change.
When nobody notices, when nobody cares, when it’s not a big deal…
There’s freedom. There’s openness. There is a whole air of possibility.
Where will we go? What will we do?
It becomes less of worrying about what people will think and say and more about. “… the hell do I even want to do?” And then realizing that, oh, maybe I can just spend all of my time doing THAT.
Concentrating all of my time, energy, resources, mental focus on THAT thing or THOSE things puts me one more step closer to truly being in control of my life, instead of running it through the filter of my fears.
So think about the things you want to do and think through that lens: what if nobody cared, nobody noticed, or it wasn’t a big deal?
At the end of the day, it’s just you and your dream, your goal, your change…
Nobody’s going to notice. And those that do will either support you, not care enough about it (as you do), or will be opposed to it. But it’s still just YOU at the end of the day. Nobody’s going to notice or care more about the thing you want to do than YOU do.
It’s West Coast Swing. It’s the Fort Wayne Westies. It’s exploring alternative fashion and other traditionally feminine things. It’s taking better care of myself. It’s listening to my heart. It’s going to Burning Man. It’s being okay with being the underdog, to not having the skills YET, to not have made it, to be “behind.” It’s becoming a creator. It’s being willing to go above and beyond mediocrity. It’s being more emotional or highly-sensitive than the average person. It’s being willing to just go do things I want to do. It’s going to learn improv comedy. It’s learning how to be an ambi-dancer. It’s becoming a proficient dance teacher.
It’s … many things, but all things which are MINE to pursue.
And for you to decide if you want to notice, care, or make a big deal of. NOT ME.
The only job for me is to do the thing and to do what I feel is right for me.
Find your thing, find the people who support the thing, and spend your time doing the thing.