All In the Context – Even If They Don’t Understand

Apr 8, 2020

What does Harvey Specter, corporate lawyer, and Jessica Jones, super-powered private investigator, have in common?

I’ve had these 4 pictures up on my wall for a couple weeks now.

They’re preliminary images until I can figure out if I want to get them made up as posters.

What was supposed to be just 10 minutes going through photos to test a printer… 

Ended up being 5+ hours going through images I’ve collected over the years trying to find the “right ones.”

But these will do.

As an Enneagram 4, it doesn’t surprise me that I find a lot of significance from the images, symbols, and characters that I collect and identify with as a way to self-represent or try to emulate through presence and mindset.

These two characters are no exception. Both have characteristics that I want to embody or they hold themselves in ways that I want to emulate.

As I try to think of how I can explain why a corporate lawyer and a private investigator – fictional characters at that – has such a strong significance to me … 

I get self-conscious when I think about sharing something “weird and silly” like this WHEN I can’t accurately articulate my thoughts on the spot – especially outside of writing.

I usually give some half-assed, surface-level answer to move the conversation forward and away from this thing that I struggle to deeply articulate.

When I only have a few brief moments to explain the depth of my nuances of why I do things or how I think, I get flustered because I know that I can’t convey the true depth of WHY in that little time.

I can’t give the full context, even if I know it in my mind or at the very least feel the energy that the particular nuance holds.

But … if what I share causes someone to have a “yeah, so what?” or a “lol, really?” kind of judgement or remark, that’s okay –

because they, you, don’t have the same context that I have through experience and thought:

The context of what that character went through in that movie, the parallels between one character’s struggles with my own, how I process experiences, or the context that … and so forth.

What I am learning through right now is that even when I can’t fully articulate what my mind thinks, or my body and heart feels … those feelings, intuitions, and understandings of myself are STILL there even if you don’t understand or agree with them (especially if I didn’t have the ability to fully explain it in a way that you could at least understand).

Often times when I feel happy or eager to share about some quirk that I have, I hold back because for one, I can’t usually articulate it as well as my inner ecosystem understands it, and two, we often don’t have the time to sit and go through all the nuances and context to why these 4 photos, “imperfectly chosen” to go on my wall as inspiration …

… have the power to facilitate tears, encourage me to be alone, push me to be a little more confident than my average, remind me to give unconditionally, and more – on any given day.

Most importantly, at least at the time of this writing, these photos (a reminder of who I feel called to be) – encourage me to discover, understand, and act out my own values.

On my own terms.

Even if I can’t articulate it or even if you don’t understand what I say or do.

But I do have to remind myself that it’s okay to speak up and explore those nuances in real-time.

Those nuances are STILL THERE in their entirety, even if you don’t understand or agree with them. Even if I can’t articulate the depth of that context/nuance.

My area of growth is trying to articulate them, even when I know it will be messy and I won’t get the point across.

So … the commonality between Specter and Jones?

Most plainly (to pick one, for this article):

“They both have a desk. 🤷‍♂️🙂”

That would be my usual ‘surface’ response as I proceed to give no further explanation (out of fear/discomfort); the deeper response is, as mentioned, more nuanced and requires more context than I can fit here today:

  • Why is the desk angled that particular way?
  • What happened around those desks?
  • Why is the desk of these two more significant to me than the desks of other characters or people?
  • … What does the desk imply?
  • What’s the spiritual cost and value of the desk as it relates to my quest in life today?

– nuances for me to explore, understand, and act out on my own. (: 

There’s enough nuance there for me to start building a desk of my own.

// if they do not understand or have the context, it is not less important for you. //
// you have the context from your experience, they don’t. //

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