“In 5 years…”

… would have been a good title for an entry I wrote in a journal 5 years ago.

This must have been my journal from when I was having appointments with a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist/whatever. One of the exercises I was given was to create a “5 year vision” of where I wanted to be in the future.

I don’t think I ever looked at it again until I just happened to stumble upon it in January 2018 (i.e., a little late on actually writing about it today in March). But it’s intriguing to look at what was a challenge then that is either a) no longer relevant or b) still just as much of a challenge as it used to be.

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1/30/2013

Where do you see yourself in FIVE years?” (January 2018)

In five years I would like to be pursuing something that matters to me. In January 2018, I will be just 2 months from turning 26. Ideally, I would like to be financially stable enough to support myself, but still make enough to afford some of the finer things in life.

I would like to be planning a trip to somewhere that I’ve never been to. I would like to be mostly or completely through my college learning if I go down that path. Regardless, I want to have a fairly stable but FULFILLING job.

In five years I would like to maintain a physically healthy shape. I will have a much stronger mental capacity to support myself, make my own decisions & not rely on others to make important decisions.

I would like to have found a hobby or career that is enjoyable from day-to-day while making money as a by-product.

I will be a very SELF CONFIDENT individual. While I may still look up to others, I can ultimately rely on myself to BE myself. I no longer rely on the opinions & gratifications from others.

I will be very organized & can get things done in a timely fashion. I will be confident enough to talk to new people & make friends while still honoring my introverted personality/habits.

Will I live here in Indiana/New Haven, or moved elsewhere for school & career/job?

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It’s interesting looking back at some of the “goals” and “themes” that I had back then. Below are my main 5 that stood out.

To start, I think it’s worthwile to acknowledge to myself that even the things that didn’t come to fruition in 5 years time that are STILL a goal… it means that it’s still in my heart or frontal focus for whatever reason.

“I would like to be pursuing something that matters to me.”

West Coast Swing. Dance. Building communities around things that I’m passionate about. The theme of pursuing meaning seems to have been just as big of a focus then as it is now, only intensified and now actually has an “image” of what that is, instead of being this foreign “thing” I wanted to find. But it’s worth reminding myself that I would NOT have found “dance” and “West Coast Swing” by trying to “figure it out.” Aside from watching things on YouTube, the only thing that ACTUALLY made me realize, “Oh wait a minute, this is really cool and I want to do it” was DOING IT. Getting into a lesson, going on the dance floor, and ACTUALLY dancing.

“I would like to be financially stable enough to support myself, but still make enough to afford some of the finer things in life.”

Not necessarily completed, but I was able to build up a little “cushion” that enabled me to take more leaps and risks than I probably would have had I not spent 2.5 years doing retail, saving the 85-90% of every paycheck, and staying with my parents.

I think I still want to pursue certain luxuries within life, but I don’t think my interests are the same as they used to be. Where I might have once wanted a fancy car, a big fancy house, all of the latest ‘tech,’ and things like that… My interests have shifted towards more utilitarian and simple ‘things.’ I don’t need the latest tech, but a phone that gets the job done is fine with me. I’m fine with a car that gets me from point A to point B. I don’t have an interest any longer in a ‘big fancy house’ until I’ve built enough savings to pursue my “Connection Cove” project on a grand scale.

In other words, once I discovered dance and met an incredible group of people… my interests turned towards experiences and connection rather than things. I want my income to be able to take care of all my ‘bills,’ but otherwise be put towards building on my passions, creating projects, and helping others.

“I would like to be planning a trip to somewhere that I’ve never been to.”

… Black Rock City, 2018/2019.

“… mental capacity to support myself, make my own decisions & not rely on others to make important decisions. … I will be a very SELF CONFIDENT individual. While I may still look up to others, I can ultimately rely on myself to BE myself. I no longer rely on the opinions & gratifications from others.”

Back then, just like today, I struggled with being an independent thinker, making decisions on my own, and actually taking action on the things I wanted to do. I’ve gotten a lot better at it, but there are still some little gremlins within this little ‘challenge’ that I’m working on.

“I will be confident enough to talk to new people & make friends while still honoring my introverted personality/habits.”

Learning to dance was an absolute godsend. While I think I would have gone through similar experiences by pursuing other group-oriented activities, I think dance fast-tracked the hell out of “being confident enough to talk to new people.” Even though I’m still working on “improving my ability to talk to people,” I think it’s night-and-day from where I was 5 years ago and I am very grateful for that.

As I flipped through the notebook, it was really interesting seeing just how many themes are prevalent today that I struggled with 5 years ago. Some of them are no longer relevant but an unfortunate number still are. I think it’s a good sign for me to remember the importance of actually MOVING FORWARD on things that I think and even WRITE about “as being important.” If they’re important then, they’ll continue to be important until I do something about it.

I won’t get into those today… but it’s interesting reflecting and musing on “5 years ago,” when my Manifesto also includes the mission to “be unrecognizable in 5 years,” or to “always be evolving.” That one is still a little under 2 years left, and it’s exciting seeing the momentum I have going since starting that in 2015. The gap between “massive change” gradually gets shorter and shorter.

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Photo by Gabriele Diwald on Unsplash