Don’t make others the Gatekeeper to your desires

Jun 30, 2022

Don’t make others the Gatekeeper to your desires.

It’s easier to sit on the sidelines than to embrace the discomfort of asking someone to dance.

Every dance event without fail, there is always a handful of people I wish I danced with (or danced more with).

The music starts. “Ooh, I dig this song. It would be /really/ fun to dance this one with that person.”

I overthink the process of getting up, walking over, and asking them to dance.

“What will they think?” to “maybe I should ask XYZ person instead, since I haven’t asked them in a while.”

In those few seconds, the opportunity passes — someone else asks them to dance.

This delay is the killer to the manifestation of one’s desire.

Why wait? You know you want to ask that person and you are going to get around to it eventually, so why delay?

The more it gets put off, the higher the risk that other opportunities are lost forever: they get tired and retire for the night.

(Not everyone stays up as late as I do, I remind myself.)

Disappointment settles in: I had all night to ask them, but I sat in my chair until the next song rolled around — praying I’ll be a little less afraid, they’ll ask me, or I’ll somehow find more courage.


When something important and desirable announces itself to you, no matter how small:

reach for it.

Don’t wait for them to ask you to dance.
Be the one that initiates.
Reach for it, speak it into existence.
Dare to be vulnerable.
Dare to accept that you are worthy of that experience.

Change the situation:

If you’re sitting in your chair all night waiting for the invitation: BECOME THE INVITATION.

Don’t make someone or some circumstance the Gatekeeper to your desire.

They’re not responsible for your enjoyment, but you might unknowingly be putting your enjoyment in the hands of someone else.

Whether it be dancing or mingling with someone specific, a job opportunity, getting a photo with someone — whatever it is:




That’s YOUR call to action.

Ask them to dance.

Say hello.
Apply for the opportunity.
Send that message.
Book the class.

Even as you remain receptive to spontaneous invitations from life, do not make that the ONLY way you say yes to life.

Make your own invitations.

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💭 Lessons and takeaways inspired by experiences at Indy Dance Explosion 2022.

📷 Photo by David Fennig / Dancing Matters