April 2023 Review + May Ambitions

Comment on Facebook

---

As I ‘reset’ at the beginning of this week and month, I reflected on the past month and set loose intentions for the next. It’s been a useful practice in the past.

With my anxiety, it’s easy for me to forget or overlook past events, so I’m grateful for having taken time today to reflect and write out everything I remember from the past month, supplementing it with entries in my journal(s).

April 2023 Recap — Top Highlights

• Returned home from my Virginia trip where I stayed with Jennifer, James, and Benn for 2 months after Interfusion Festival.
• New camera gear greeted me upon arrival (the first notable investment in myself in a while).
• Hosted first ‘Aggressive CoPurge.’
• Went to David’s annual anniversary event in Muncie to shoot photos and video. (Photos are on the way!)
• Recorded a podcast episode with Creator Coalition (Arlene, Jennifer, Ariel, and Kristina Marie).
• Attended Navigate the Unknown (coaching with Kendra) and Evolution Revolution (coaching with Kristina Marie) as a participant in both.
• Met Lindsay in person! It’s always surreal meeting people in person that I’ve met online through events like NTU and EvoRevo.
• Began a creator bootcamp and a 30 day challenge that I’m calling ‘Unstuck In 30,’ to post daily videos on YouTube for 30 days. I’ve completed 11 videos, marking the most consistent period of posting YouTube videos that I’ve ever had.
• Met Ronja through the community in this bootcamp — a result of stepping out of my comfort zone to reach out to a stranger.
• Thrifting/antiquing with my sister — found decorations made in India that match the urn for my cat.
• Tacie (family puppy of ~15 years) passed away.
• Experimented with a stint of “no internet” and am planning to do a longer session in May.
• Radically simplified my ‘office space’ and recently “purged (archived)” 95% of my bookmarks to free up my mental bandwidth and more easily focus on what’s important.

Intangibles

• Reminding myself the value of writing — ironing out my psyche and brings back a semblance of order, calm, and alignment.
• Dealing with the ebb and flow of depression, lacking motivation and direction in life.
• Certain hobbies are dwindling in interest and I recognize a calling towards other activities. It’s difficult to ‘let go’ of or reduce time spent on a hobby, feeling like I’m leaving other people behind (when in reality I’m the one leaving myself behind).
• Anxiety has been high at dance events — indicating an opportunity to evaluate the relationship I have with dance and the role it plays in my life.

Soft Ambitions (May)

• I want to experiment with planning less and not adding as much to “the list” — I want to break the habit I have of saving so many things ‘for later.’ I believe that with a more compelling direction, the desire to ‘save’ as many bookmarks/videos/articles for later will be less of an issue.
• Dive deeper into video creation: improving my routine/schedule/discipline in this space as well as experimenting with new (and more) video concepts.
• More “disconnection,” a la Sivers & Newport + experimenting with a digital detox for at least 7 days.
• Getting caught up on work (specifically editing Muncie photos!)
• Posting videos 12-30 through May.
• Creating more quiet, calm, and intentional isolation to sit with feelings, thoughts, and actually hear what my intuition is saying (rather than being directed and influenced by content I’m hearing).
• Begin to record more podcast episodes in a season of ‘experimentation.’

Messages for May

• “This is the way.”
• “Disconnect.” Not from people, necessarily, but the artificial connection from the internet (media) when used as avoidance.
• “Purge.”
• “Simplify and create space.” Yes, there’s lots to do. Don’t waste time micro managing google calendar instead of working on the project. Identify the top 1-3 things and set a timer.
• “Calm.” I almost always feel worse after watching a lot of content and avoiding things I want to do. By reducing inputs/stimulation, I can embody a calmer state of being which feels “less exciting” but far more fulfilling, healthier, and more “attuned” to heart and soul.
• “Show, don’t tell.” Embody more ‘showing’ of what I’m doing or have done (in both my communications and videos) as opposed to indicating what I’m about to do next. I’m low-key getting bored of ME saying all the things I want to do (based on my track record of not following through, changing my mind, or being squirrel-brained to work on something else).
• “Attune to the engine within.” Most endeavors I share with others taper out like a candle in the wind because they are not grounded decisions. Very few things in my life right now are grounded decisions driven by an engine within (e.g., Creator Coalition + Unstuck In 30). Does “this thing” feel really good to me even if someone “doesn’t understand”? If yes, proceed. If no, reflect — is there a way to get grounded with it?
• “Hell Yeah, or No” (a la Sivers). This line of thinking can be helpful to dig myself out of a mud-pit of overthinking. Simplifying my focus to the most-est exciting/compelling things brings me out of the mud-pit and into momentum. Find the things that are ACTUALLY getting you out of bed and graciously decline everything else [for now].
• ”Done is better than perfect.”
• “Alinea.” Begin again.