Unfiltered and unedited – a post written on an impulse (in free-flow format) and published without even rereading or editing it. Rambl-y thoughts in its purest form.


I’m finding it slightly humorous that I feel pretty confident and calm and talking a lot.

… Wait a minute. What?

I’m normally the shy one that says he doesn’t talk much, who is constantly known for being particularly quiet.

Why would I feel confident or calm after talking?

It’s a new realization I’ve been piecing together this year:

The more I use my voice, the calmer I get, the more energized I become, the more confident I become in who I am.

It’s still not easy for me to “do,” which is why I still don’t talk that much to people.

In fact, my most “confident” moments in talking have been when no-one’s listening.

(Yes, talking to myself.)

But more accurately: I’ve been reading books out loud.

lol

If I just looked at the numbers, I literally have spoken so many fewer words than the average person.

I’m not going to have the same amount of “talking experience” or practice as most people.

Which makes sense why talking feels awkward and I stumble over my own words a lot: I haven’t had enough practice for it to be a normal function for me.

Looking at it that way: it becomes less stressful that I’m so quiet.

Sure it’s annoying and I hate not being able to fully communicate my thoughts in a verbal format.

But it’s made me start to look for a simple solution to that simple realization of not having much experience/practice.

Speak more words, practice more often.

And so I read books out loud.

I often don’t know the true extent of what I’m capable – my words, my dance ability, my artistic skill, my ability to create websites, my ability to lead, or anything else.

And the only way is to put more time and effort into creating MORE experiences for me to learn from.

Even though I’m typically seen as a shy person, or at least someone who is just reserved, I’m finding incredible calm and strength through talking.

And even though it’s not quite to the point where I can communicate my thoughts openly to someone with ease and fluidity, simply reading from books that are important to me will do a few things for me:

  1. Forces my body to realize I won’t suddenly explode when I say words.
  2. Helps me become familiarized speaking certain phrases and concepts that are in these books, often times in the realm of personal development, philosophy, psychology, business, courage, or whatever else.
  3. Jump-starts my physiology. One of my biggest take-aways from Tony Robbins’ content is the “state” you’re in. If you physically feel lousy, you’ll probably have lousy thoughts. But if you’re feeling excited and energized, you’ll probably have more optimistic thoughts and will be willing to take more ambitious action.

And what’s a good way for me to get into that excited and energized physical state? Using my body in a way that creates that kind of excitement and energy.

Therefor: speaking words to make me feel the full extent of what my body is actually capable of, not just what I think it can do.

And I believe that if I do this more often, it’ll make it much easier for me to speak to people because I’ll have taught myself that I can speak words, and with continued practice, maybe it will feel natural to formulate these kinds of words and phrases on my own without a book in hand.

Like most things that I practice or new things I take on, it feels awkward and stupid at first.

I think about how weird and dumb I look or sound or feel.

But as I stick with it, those feelings start to become less prominent. They’re there but they’re not the dominant thoughts and feelings.

Eventually I start shifting to what’s right in front of me.

The words on the page. The drill I’m practicing in dance. The elements I’m creating in a graphic. The layout of a webpage.

Those initial weird-dumb feelings continue to get smaller and smaller, and after a while I start to feel this little buzz within me as I develop momentum.

The more words I say, the more confident and calmly-at-peace I feel.

I start to notice what I’m capable of.

This little buzz of excitement creates a new “default” for the moment, for the day.

Unfortunately it doesn’t always last, and so I must continue to read and speak out loud on a regular basis to get the best, lasting impact.

I must continue to do the things that push me outside of my default, sloggy, foggy state of being and into a place full of light, movement, curiosity, and opportunity.